since feeling is first
by iloveyou123
Summary: AKA, Tori writes in her journal about how she would be better for Jade than Beck. Not that she likes Jade. Or is gay. Or anything. One-sided, in denial, Tori/Jade.


since feeling is first

Summary: Tori writes in her journal about how she would be better for Jade than Beck. Not that she likes Jade. Or is gay. Or anything. One-sided, in denial, Tori/Jade.

a/n: this should be called "lol rambling and btw tori's totally repressed in case you didn't notice"

so quality, i know. but i needed to write jori. it was flowing through my bones. and dedication to brea because she's awesome and conversations with her make me think of things to write and she's my brain twin. 3

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Dear Journal Whose Name I Have Still Not Decided Which I Should Do Because People In Movies Always Have Names For Journals (Or Diaries, I'm not discriminating),

So, today, I was with Andre and we were having our daily talk- which is when we sit in my living room and talk about our day. (It's really fun, and it's something lots of teenagers do. I think. Anyway, Andre seems to like it. Well, he never does it unless I bring it up, but he likes it.) And I was telling him about how lame Beck was being at lunch, when Jade got mad at him for saying that this girl who walked by was hot- to be fair to Beck, he was only agreeing with what Rex said- because seriously, Jade is so much hotter than that girl and he was just purposely antagonizing her. Well, I was telling this to Andre, and Trina walks by and is all "um lyke why are u so obsessed with beck and jade's relationship?" Which, I'm so not. I mean, Trina's usually actually surprisingly spot on with the things she says- unless they're about her, or her talent- but she was just way off on this one. Maybe I talk about their relationship a lot, but they're my friends and they're pretty much the main couple of Hollywood Arts, I guess.

But you know what the sucky thing here is and the reason why I'm writing in you right now? It's that I totally wouldn't even care about Beck and Jade's relationship if he was just a little bit _better _at dating her. Like, honestly, Beck. Grow a- a set. That's what people say, right? Cool people? Jade says that and Jade's really cool so that's probably what cool people say. I mean, Jade would know, right? Maybe I should ask her. Later. I'll ask her later. She'll definitely tell me, Jade and I are like, best friends now. Best _best_ friends, like the kind in movies and stuff. She likes me now. She's even said so. Well, not in so many words, but- you know. She's implied it, which is just as good. I'm going to make us friendship bracelets. Andre promised to help me this weekend! Which is awesome, cause Andre's the coolest- not as cool as Jade, cause no one's as cool as Jade, but you know, super cool. And Andre thinks Jade likes me- not in _that _way or anything, cause I'm not- you know, I'm not gay, not that I'm not cool with it if you are gay but I'm not, like sometimes I think girls are really pretty and their skin looks really soft and sometimes I like them more than boys and there was this one girl in kindergarten that Trina says I talked about non-stop and wrote her name in my journal but that's just stupid cause Trina's a total liar and doesn't even remember stuff that's not about her.

What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Beck and Jade. Look, even in that little tiny written sentence, Jade is obviously way too good for Beck! I mean, her name is soo pretty and unique, just like she is, and- well, I guess Beck is a pretty unique name too. But it's not pretty! And Jade- her name, that is- is so gorgeous, like a super special birthstone or something, and then: Beck. You know what "Beck" sounds like? It sounds like "Wreck"! I mean, how gross is that? Or, or, "Check!" Which makes you think of money, and that's just boring. Jade- her name- makes you think of far off places with exotic princesses with long, dark, streaked hair. Or something else… cool. And pretty.

See, Beck is an okay guy- I mean, he's better than okay! Not in that way, though. I know a lot of people still think I have the hots for Beck or something ("hots" is still a cool thing to say, right? It definitely is) but I so don't. I didn't even like him when I kissed him! I just had to show Jade- who at the time, I only thought of as "That really pretty mean girl"- that I was just as cool as her, and I could totally show her up!

I just wanted her to notice me.

I guess.

It worked, though! Right? She noticed me. Which is why we're best, best friends now. And nothing more. Which is good, because I'm not gay, and neither is Jade, obviously, since she has her super attractive, fluffy haired, stupid-

Whoa, stupid? I didn't mean that. I just, well, Beck can sometimes be kind of stupid. Not in the normal sense, because he's always quoting stuff I've never even heard of, like Pride and Prejudice or something, but Jade seems to like it when he quotes stuff so I guess it works for him- do you think I should quote things? Maybe if I quoted like, really old literature, Jade would like me even more! She definitely liked it when I talked about Katherine Obvious. I mean, she didn't say so, but she looked like she thought it was really awesome.

Anyway, Beck is stupid because sometimes he talks about other girls when he's around Jade. It's almost like he does it on purpose, because any normal pendejo (Andre taught me that word because I told him I wanted to learn more Spanish to show off my Latina heritage- he said it means something mean or whatever but I don't really remember what) would know that Jade doesn't like it when he talks about other girls. Her forehead gets all wrinkled and she clutches her fist- always her left fist, which is weird, because Jade isn't left handed, I would've noticed that (not that I watch her a lot, but best friends know these kind of things), and she glares at him, but he does it anyway! And he doesn't even hold her hand when it is right next to him! I mean, if I was Jade's significant other- which I'm not and don't want to be- I would hold her hand all the time. She's emotionally damaged, you know, from her parents being evil monsters (if I had known her before, I would have saved her from them, my parents love Jade, they would've been totally happy with her there- and that brings me to another point, Beck's aunt doesn't even like Jade, who doesn't like Jade? More proof there's something wrong with the Oliver family). You have to treat Jade like a princess, because she doesn't think of herself like that. And Beck just treats her like- like a duchess! Which is not as good as a princess! I would hold her hand in public, just so she knew that I was proud to have her be my girlfriend, which Beck almost never does. But he's just _fine _with macking on her in front of everyone at their lockers- he basically treats her like a sexual object. He even pulls her hair sometimes! I would stroke her hair. Or her cheek. Or her side. But you can't pull her hair because how would someone as emotionally damaged as Jade know if you're doing it because you want to hurt her or because you like pulling her hair out of love? She wouldn't!

And they do. Mack at their lockers. All the freaking time.

Not that I, like, care, or something. But- is it really good hygiene? I mean, just saying, but it's not as if we have great janitors at our school! All our faculty is totally insane (hello, Sikowitz and Lane) so I don't think they clean those lockers a lot. And Sinjin's locker is right by theirs, and who the heck knows what Sinjin has done to Jade's locker? I swear, that kid is so creepy. Next time he comes by her I'm going to hit him. Or have Cat do it, as that girl has a killer punch. But, once again, Beck doesn't do anything when potentially dangerous stalker boys try and get all up on Jade! He just laughs! Or ignores it! I mean, Jade is so beautiful, you can't expect creepy stalker guys not to want her but is Beck ever threatened? No. You know, he's not perfect! Someone will take Jade away from him one day, and you know what, he will have totally deserved it, because he doesn't cherish her like she should be cherished. I've never met someone who deserves to be cherished more than Jade, so obviously- Obviously other people will think that. Too. Not just me. And then… someone will whisk her off her feet and Beck will just be left in the dust!

I mean, it's going to happen. Everyone loves Jade. I love Jade, too. In a friend-loving way. And not in… not in any other way.

Well.

Yeah.

So, I think that's enough for tonight, Journal Who I Still Have Not Concocted A Name For Yet (I Will Do This Eventually).

Love,

Tori

P.S. You know who's names would sound good together? I mean, as best friends, cause people say best friends names together all the time, like, in pairs, like Harry and Ron, or Blair and Serena (don't tell anyone I watch that show), and not anything more? Tori and Jade. I mean, that just sounds good, right? I think so. Andre does too, he said so. I think I'll put our names on the friendship bracelets. Jade's definitely going to like that.


End file.
